“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”
--- Douglas Adams

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

I Have No Talent - A Dream

Hubby, The Kiddies and I were going on a family vacation with a family we know but aren't really friends with, although in the dream we were. We were all going to travel in a totally tricked out semi truck that had bedrooms, a full kitchen, two bathrooms, a common room and a garden.
We drove for a little while. The wife of the other family stayed in bed sleeping the whole time. We drove to an out of the way place then the family we were traveling with turned into one of Hubby's cousins and a bunch of distant relatives we didn't know, but we knew we were related to. The kitchen was stocked with tons of food and I thought it was weird that there were drawers and drawers of old Paul Masson-type wine bottles filled with milk; enough milk to last the whole journey. Super weird. Why couldn't they just buy it at the stores we encountered on our journey. Then it turned out that the emphasis wasn't really on travel, it was on spending time with the family and we would travel when the older men thought we should.
I went out to the garden and struck up a conversation with a little girl who was poking a stick into a pond and coming up with little salamanders, which she would promptly pop into her mouth. She said it was a tasty snack. She shoved one into Hubby's mouth and he got mad; not because he didn't want to try the pond salamanders but because he was already eating something and didn't want to mix food. I went back into the semi and heard there would be a talent show. I was excited because I had a talent to share. They told me it wasn't that kind of talent show. The only talents they would be featuring were curing meat and saving money. Since hula dancing was neither a component in curing meat nor saving money, I could not participate.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Conversation I Overheard Whilst Peeing




I get it. There are people in this world who don't like coffee. I am not one of them. I love coffee and I drink it every day. I have a cup in the morning and then I usually have a cup when I get to work. On occasion I will get an additional cup. I don't love coffee enough to drink decaf, though. Seems mostly pointless. I don't drink coffee just for the taste. I also need the aroma, the warmth and, let's face it, the caffeine.


So this afternoon I was in the ladies room.. Two women came in and chatted while they were peeing. First it bothered me because I hate it when people talk to me in the bathroom, so in my head it should bother everyone else, too and they shouldn't do it.


Then I started listening to the conversation. They were complaining about one of their co-workers.
This co-worker had a headache and mentioned she should probably have a cuppa joe because she hadn't had any coffee that day.


These two women thought her logic was so stupid. Why would anyone drink coffee when they have a headache and how is it that there's a correlation between a lack of coffee consumption and a having a headache? She should just take an aspirin. That's what will get rid of her headache. She's just stupid for drinking coffee in the first place.


I waited in the hallway, pretending to be talking on my phone so I could see who these girls were. 20-ish hipster girls. Go eat your $10 toast and drink your kombucha, hipster. I'll be with the normal people drinking coffee.







Cholas Stole My Camaro - A dream

I was leaving hula class with my Hula Sister Pat. I had parked my car down the road and she was going to drive me to my car. We were driving down route 185 (a significant, yet made up road in my dream.) We pulled into the parking lot by the gas station and the cowboy-themed old-timey gift shop. As we approached my car, a white Camaro, we saw the car peel out of its parking space and take off. At this point Pat turned into my co-worker Edward. Edward raced down the street in the car while I called 911 to report my car had been stolen by Cholas. Edward's car was u-shaped, kind of like a u-shaped luggage cart at a hotel, except with a stick shift in the middle. I had trouble holding on and dialing 911, plus the 911 operator had trouble hearing me because of all the wind from driving so fast in a u-shaped car.


Then we were in a bar. There was a lot of food set out for our group. I saw a burrito cut up in slices on the table under the dartboard on the wall. I grabbed a slice. Three super douchy guys (like guys who where sunglasses on the back of their heads douchy) who were playing darts told me the burrito was theirs and not part of the food my group had. Then they said I could have a slice of burrito. As I was eating my burrito slice one of the guys started talking to me. It was this guy I went to school with from 3rd grade or so to I think 8th grade. He was super tall and had red hair and liked science. In my dream he was a security guard, not the security guard for the bar we were in, but he was a security guard. He started asking me questions about how a security guard is supposed to get girls.


Then I was back in the car and sometimes on foot being chased by the Cholas who stole my Camaro. The cops sent me the pictures they had on file of two Chola car thieves and wanted me to verify these were the girls they were looking for. I couldn't say for sure. The Cholas caught up with me and I did some serious WWF-style fighting and knocked one of the Cholas out cold.


I got my car back and then the Cholas and I became friends.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Rosco P. Fare Inspector and the Hazzard County Line

Should Muni fare inspectors be allowed to check your proof of payment status outside of proof of payment areas? I asked this question before in 2009. You can read about it on the Muni Diaries website. 5 years later and my question still remains unanswered.




This morning a fare inspector asked for my proof of payment outside of a proof of payment area. I showed it to the inspector but then I asked him why he was checking fares outside of the proof of payment area. I had just hopped off the F-line, but it was not a proof of payment area.


He answered my question Miss-America-Contestant Style by not answering my question, but responding with something only kind-of similar. He said "We're checking proof of payment." I said I realized what he was doing, but had a question about whether or not it was right to check fares on the street where one isn't required to have proof of payment in his possession.


I tried to argue that if I'm standing in a designated proof of payment area the fare inspector can ask to scan my clipper card. I will then show it to him without incident, but if I'm standing on a regular public street, he can't.






Now I know the argument you're going to come back with. It's not like when the General Lee crosses the County Line and Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane screeches to halt and bites his hat because his jurisdiction ends at the Hazzard County Line. If I didn't pay my fare on the train, once I exit the train or exit the proof of payment area the fact still remains that I didn't pay my fare.




But get this, according to Muni's own website, I do cross the proverbial Hazzard County Line once I step out of a proof of payment area. Rosco P. Fare Inspector can't ask me for my proof of payment. I can't be fined for not having paid my fare if I'm checked in a non- proof of payment area; it says so in two separate places on Muni's website.
1. You must have valid Proof of Payment when riding on a Muni rail line or bus route or while within the paid area of Muni stations. 
2. Muni Transit Fare Inspectors may ask you for Proof of Payment on board any Muni rail line or bus route, or in the paid area of Muni Metro subway stations between the Embarcadero and West Portal stations.




Now let me just say I did tag my card. My fare was paid and I was able to prove it. The fare inspector scanned my card and the little screen lit up with a YES in large friendly letters. That's not the issue here, though. The fare inspector was checking fares in a place where he had no jurisdiction. Had he hopped on the train, he would have been in fair (fare) territory. Had he been on one of the platforms between West Portal and Embarcadero Stations, he would have been well within the law to ask to see my proof of payment, and I would have shown it to him. I have a pass. I always tag my card when I get on.


While I was trying to have a conversation with the fare inspector, he got super defensive and started raising his voice. He even "have a nice day, ma'am"-ed me and tried to walk away, like I had no right to ask him a question, or I was just a lunatic (PS, I am not a crackpot). His only response to my question was to say they checked fares on the street to keep the trains running on time. Another Muni fare inspector joined in on the conversation. He at least conceded that my logic was sound, but then added that logic had nothing to do with Muni. He also raised his voice and dismissed me.


I'm sure that the fare inspector is used to people yelling at him and giving him grief. I'm sure that makes him quick to anger no matter what the circumstance. Once he saw that I paid my fare and I wasn't a bad guy, he should have let his guard down a bit, or at least shown a bit of patience and listened to my question.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Dirty Pictures of Lee Majors- A Dream



I was standing in line for the elevator at my work. I decided that I would take the stairs instead. On the way to the stairs a security guard stopped me and told me that building management told him to tell me that  I couldn't pour wine down the sink anymore because it clogged the drain. I asked him if he was telling me specifically or if the message was intended for everyone in my building. He got mad and turned away in a huff. I wrote on the inside of my hand what the security guard had told me. When I got upstairs I started looking for a copy machine to make a copy of what was written on my hand. The first machine I tried was in the data entry department. John Denver and Mark Hamill worked in the data entry department. The copy machine in their department wouldn't capture a picture of my hand. I went to another department to use their copy machine. I found one but it was surrounded by exercise machines. I had to weave my way through the back and forth of the exercise machines. I got to the copy machine and tried to take a photocopy of my hand but all that came out of the machine was dirty pictures of Lee Majors.

Welcome now my friends to the show that never ends

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Nice Pictures - Where'd you steal them from?

Some of the pictures in my blog were taken by a photographer called Julie Michele. Some of the pictures were either taken by me or someone I know. Some of the pictures were ripped right from the internet, mostly from google image searches from photographers to whom I may or may not give credit.

Rest assured I make no money from any of it.