“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”
--- Douglas Adams

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Beautiful Vogon

So picture this -- a pretty nice scene actually. The trouble is that I think I look really gross in this photo.


This picture was taken at my kid's school carnival recently. I was there that day with my two youngest kids. My 8 year old was doing whatever it is that 8 year old boys do with a pocket full of quarters and an all-access wristband. My 3 year old, after doing the cake walk and ring toss 50 times each,  decided to take a short break in the shade. Sitting in the spot for just a few moments was really peaceful. The Pua Bean was stretched out on the bench, with her head against my leg. I was sitting with my hand on her tummy. We were both in our own little peaceful worlds, staring off into space and being perfectly content with our places in the universe, both simultaneously ignoring each other and being comfortable in each other's company.

I asked someone sitting next to us to take our picture. She did. When I looked at the picture, I was really disappointed that I didn't quite capture the moment I was feeling in my head. In my head I felt at peace, beautiful. In the picture, I look like Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz. I was so disappointed.

Then I thought about it more. I became less disappointed with the picture and more disappointed with myself for hating the picture.
I have been through a lot this year, and this picture sums it up in really great way for me.

I did not grow up struggling with my weight. I wasn't a chubby kid. I got fat the way a lot of women do; I got married, had babies and relaxed.
After coming out of the haze of an unexpected and unfortunate traumatic divorce I decided that weight needed to come off.  In the last 8 months I have lost 60 pounds. I have 40 more to go. This picture shows that I'm making progress.

This picture also shows something unfortunate about weight loss that I hadn't anticipated: stages.

Have you ever tried to grow out a really short haircut? Some weeks your hair looks great and some weeks your hair looks really really bad and nothing helps, not 100 bobby pins, not even a headband. Dramatic weight loss is like growing out your hair. I don't know how my body decides where fat should disappear from and when. I don't know how my face and waist could look so different but my butt stay the same. Weight loss doesn't happen proportionally across one's body. It happens over time in strange intervals and in uneven places. It's not at all like "Growing Up Skipper" where I could rotate my arm and all my curves would fall into place.

I need to look at this picture and see how far I've come, rather than how far I still need to go.  I need to realize that I will pass through this stage, and sooner or later, as the weight loss progresses, I'm going to go through more stages. I just have to remember that a stage is temporary.  I'll get through it.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

2 comments:

  1. Very thoughtfully stated. It's a grueling and rewarding process and good for you for trying to see the positive sides. Way to go mama!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lovely post. Bravo. Wishing you well... -- Tora

    ReplyDelete

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Nice Pictures - Where'd you steal them from?

Some of the pictures in my blog were taken by a photographer called Julie Michele. Some of the pictures were either taken by me or someone I know. Some of the pictures were ripped right from the internet, mostly from google image searches from photographers to whom I may or may not give credit.

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