2006

I recently closed my myspace account. I realized as I was closing it that I had some pretty good blogs, at least in my mind they were good. Here are the best ones from 2006 . . . Oh, if you don't want to read the whole thing, my dreams are in italics. They're the best part.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Something Little Miss said to me today
"I wish the cast of Spongebob would act out Narnia"
Thursday, March 30, 2006
I could never get the hang of Thursdays
I have been fostering a new obsession -- Smart Water. I buy it buy the case now and drink it all the time. Real water doesn't work anymore. I don't really like the flavored kind -- most of it is too flavorful for me. I used to like the dragonfruit one but now it tastes too much like Kool-ade. The one I really liked was the lemon-cucumber water. I haven't seen that one in a while, but the last time I had it, it was too lemony and not enough cuke.
I remember when I had an obsession with WaterJoe and AquaJava. Glad I got over that one.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006
The Two Dons (but one is really a Sidney)
I should start this by saying that I have a really active dream life filled with celebrities. I don't know why, but I do. I had one where Captain Picard and I won a kissing contest on the Arsenio Hall show and we had to share a cake w/ Annette Funicello and Frankie Valley. My dreams are odd.
When I tell Hubby my dreams he often replies with only one word: "freakshow".
I had a dream the other night. I wasn't in the dream this time, I was only an observer.
Don Knotts and Don Ho were sitting on a low cement wall. Don Ho wasn't Don Ho, however, he was Sidney Portier, only he looked like Don Ho.
Don Ho was Don Knott's son. You could tell they were Father and Son because they both had genius in their eyes -- the same kind of genius, just used differently.
That was the dream I had the other night.

Monday, May 01, 2006
The Coldstone Dream
I walked into Coldstone to get a chocolate ice cream with toasted coconut folded in. I tell the guy behind the counter that I'm not having the best day and am feeling a bit of ennui. He cuts the ice cream in half and pushes half under the sneeze guard, puts some coconut on it and hands me a paddle. He folds half and I fold the other half. Then he hands me the cup and I put my half in and he scoops up the other half and puts that on top. I ask him if he's ever thought about coming up w/ some sort of Coldsone-folding rhythm like the guys at fisherman's wharf do when they crack crab. He said he'd work on it. Then Little Miss and I walk out. It is raining outside. She has this giant softserve cone that was dripping. I lick all the drips off for her and then we run to the parking garage.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Not at all like the flying ark Yogi and BooBoo had
Another dream this morning --
I had a boat. A flying boat. It didn't have an engine for flying. It had a propeller that I had to crank and it flew on the currents. I couldn't fly it in the night because it didn't have lights. I drove it to work one day on the water. While at work some people took it from where I had it docked to another spot. I took a little boat over to the place where it was and took the boat back. I drove it over to yet another spot and then wondered if I had taken the right boat. I looked around the living area and saw a bar with lots of tikis and neon. Yup, it was my boat.
There was this English guy who lived by the boats and swam everywhere. When he swam, minnows swam in his wake. When he got out of the water there were always minnows tangled in his beard and back hair. Nice guy, though.
Then the boat wasn't mine anymore. It was Josh's boat. (for those of you who don't know who Josh is, Josh is Tom's friend from college, pretty nice guy). He had two pit bulls. One was tan and the other was rottweiler colored. They were both nice and liked to lick your face, but woudn't hesitate to tear it off if you were mean. Josh told stories about how he sailed the boat all across the USA. He said it cost $3,000 a month to own and maintain the boat, and even more $ to sail it.
That's it.

Saturday, May 27, 2006
Isabella Rosellini
I had a dream about Isabella Rosellini this morning.
We were at an ice cream parlor. Isabella Rosellini was holding two ice cream cones. They were dripping all over her hands. Her hands were covered with ice cream. She looked at me and said "Ice Cream - the great equalizer."

Sunday, June 04, 2006
This wasn't a dream, or a nightmare. It's true
Last night Tom and I fell asleep watching TV. We're currently into watching all the Buffy series since I wasn't into it when it was running. It probably ran opposite Deep Space Nine or something nerdy like that. Anyhow, we just finished watching the episode where Buffy and the gang discover some graves were being dug up by the local science geeks to fashion a girl for one the the geek's reanimated brother. After the episode, I fell asleep. Tom continued to watch, I dunno, whatever it is Tom watches when I'm sleeping.
Anyhow, I woke up at 4:33 this morning to the voice of Ted Danson. Tom has fallen asleep w/ the TV on. It was that movie where Ted Danson and Whoopie Goldberg find out they have a kid together. Ted Danson was a car salesman (like Cal Worthington and his Dog Spot), and Whoopie owned a bookstore. Will Smith played the boyfriend of Whoopie and Ted's daughter. The scene I woke up to was when Jennifer Tilly, Ted Danson's live-in girlfriend, was breaking up w/ Ted Danson.
In the few seconds before I woke up I was able to run the entire movie through my head -- when Ted Danson took a big bite of wasabi when Whoopie took him out to sushi, when Whoopie got hit by the car and ended up in the hospital, when the bear attacked Ted Danson when he was trying to film a commercial, when Will Smith and the actress who hasn't been in anything since are riding over the bay bridge on a Honda Elite, the list goes on. What puzzled me the most was not that I knew so much about that movie but that I couldn't (and still can't) think of the title.
I thought "Soul Man", no, that was the movie w/ C. Thomas Howell.
Was it "Eddie". No, that was a movie about Whoopie and a dinosaur.
Was it "Fatal Beauty". No, that was about Whoopie and Sam Elliot trying to bust up a big LA cocaine ring.
Was it "Cop and a Half". No that was about Burt Reynolds and some kid that hasn't been in anything since.
Was it "Cadillac Man". No, that was Robin Williams and Tim Robbins looking for their dignity.
Then I thought to myself, "why am I confusing this crappy movie with a whole host of other crappy movies and why do I know so much about them. Do I really watch that much TBS?"
What was the name of the movie?

Wednesday, June 21, 2006
sightings . . . . .
I think I saw Sinbad today.
I was walking down Drumm to Market street today on the way to the Muni. I think I had a Sinbad sighting.

Friday, June 23, 2006
Constantine, Kitties and Kiddies
Another dream
I had this one this morning between snoozes on my alarm.
In parts of the dream I was married to Constantine Maroulis and in other parts I was Constantine Maroulis.
I gave birth to 5 babies at once but what came out of me, or rather, sprang and leapt out of me were kittens that looked just like Pauly, Little Miss's cat. After the babies/kitties were born, I had a set of each, 5 kitties and 5 babies. I kept one of each in my pocket, no matter if I was Constantine Maroulis or if I was married to Constantine Maroulis. I was wearing a blue hooded zipper-front sweatshirt with a kitty and a baby in the left side pocket.
As Constantine Maroulis, I was the daddy of the kitties and the babies. I went to band practice and sang in a microphone in a garage with a blue carpeted stage. When I was Constantine Maroulis, I was wearing the hood on the sweatshirt.
When I was Constantine Maroulis' wife, I was the mommy of the kitties and babies. I cleaned the kitchen. The dishwasher was colored fake wood paneling. I refilled the bottle on the table w/ olive oil. When I was Constantine Maroulis' wife, I wasn't wearing the hood, but kept my hands in my pockets.

Thursday, July 06, 2006
Name Calling or Why Tourists should stay off Muni at 5pm

Everyday I walk 12 blocks from my place of work to the muni. By the time I get to Embarcadero Station, I'm in full speed and all I want to do is get on the train and go home.
Today I got on the escalator going down. I take this rather than the stairs because I can walk down the moving escalator and get down the stairs faster.
Today there were 2 tourists STANDING on the escalator on the LEFT HAND SIDE. They were talking to 2 other tourists standing on the right hand side about bus fare and if they could get away with paying the senior price. I knew they were tourists because they were wearing shorts and short sleeve shirts at 5pm in SF and they weren't carrying jackets.
Anyhow, I told the guy (probably not in my nicest voice) that he needed to move to the right because people walked on the left. He turned around and said "Well I'm not from around her honey and I'm not in a hurry." Then as I was walking away quickly (remember, I was trying to catch my train), he yelled "Haight Street Freak".
I got called a "Haight Street Freak". I've lived in SF for 15 years and I've never been called a "Haight Street Freak". All the times I could have passed for a "Haight Street Freak" in my younger days what with having more jewelry in my face than Mr. T had around his neck, I was never called one. That I was called a "Haight Street Freak" today made me both happy and puzzled.
The tourist probably heard the phrase that day and was looking for an opportunity to use it.

Friday, August 04, 2006
I've always wanted big knockers!
Yesterday Little Miss and I were in Target. We were looking at all of the barrettes and hair ties. All of the sudden Little Miss said "mom, I've always wanted big knockers." I looked down and realized that she was holding those ponytail holders that have the big beads on the sides and you wrap them around the ponytail rather than putting the ponytail through the loop. Girls, you know the kind. I thought it was so funny that I bought them for her.
When we got home, Little Miss said "daddy, mommy bought me knockers."