Is it October Already?

One of my pet peeves is when people shorten words for no good reason.
I hate the word "natch" in place of naturally, meaning for sure, yes.
I hate the word "convo" in place of conversation.
I hate the word "sando" in place of sandwich.
My little one watches a Barbie show on Netflix where they say "amaze" in this high pitched sing-song voice when what they really mean to say is that something is amazing or super. I hate that.
It used to drive me nuts when my ex-SIL called the refrigerator "The Refrige" or diapers "dipes." Drove me insane.
The ultimate one I hate is San Fran (but oddly enough Frisco is OK in the right circumstances).

Add a new word to the list; mammo.

I had my annual mammogram yesterday. I make sure to get them as often as Kaiser will give them to me. You can read about past mammograms here, here, here, here, here, and here.

Who has two thumbs and just had a mammogram?

Three nurses and two people in the waiting room said it. "Are you here for your mammo?" "Is this where I check in for my mammo?" "It's mammo time."

Sitting in that waiting room yesterday was like listening to someone eat a bowl of cereal in my ear.
Still, I was in and out of there in about 20 minutes. I'm talking parking, getting my mammogram, and going to SugarBowl right after; 20 minutes.

Stupid words aside, I missed last October's mammogram because I didn't have any health insurance. I have it now. Yay. I felt a little off getting my mammogram in the month of my half birthday rather than the month of my full birthday, but I didn't want to wait any longer

It is important to get your mammogram as often as you can get them. Listening to stupid word play in the waiting room is a small price to pay for not having cancer. Get your boobs checked.

The Birthday Squeeze

Last night the ex and I were texting.
Me - Gonna be late getting the kids back. Having a mammogram then going to dinner.
Ex - Everything OK? or just your annual Birthday Squeeze?

Just my annual Birthday Squeeze. I like it.

I felt like I was slacking. I hadn't had my annual mammogram yet. I always have it around my birthday. You can read about 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013 and 2014 right here. Last night I had to go to my doctors office to do something so I decided to throw in a mammogram for fun of it. The kiddies were with me. I thought it would be a quick trip because getting a mammogram only takes a few minutes. While it still rang true that the mammogram itself only takes 10 minutes, we had to wait an 20 minutes past our appointment time.

My mammogrammer wasn't as memorable as last year's but she was nice, she gave me a pink pen and some pink post-its. And she took a picture of me before the action began.

My kids were going a bit bonkers. They were hungry. They were done being at the doctor's office. The guy at the reception desk was done with them being there. They were mad at me for not letting them get Gatorade and chips from the vending machine. They were more than ready to go when it was time. The guy at the reception desk was happy to see them leave as well. My babies are sweet and I love them a bunch but hungry kiddies at 7:15pm at the doctor's office is no fun for anyone.

Here are my youngest ones making germ angels on the floor in the doctor's office waiting room.

After the mammogram, the kiddies and I had shakes and burgers at Mel's, colored and did homework. My oldest and I were bummed that our dinner wasn't offered in a paper car like the kids' dinners were. We asked for our food to be served in a car but they charge $2.75 extra so we skipped it. I love the cars Mel's serves their kids meals in. It's not as cool as the bullet train bowl at the noodle place in Japantown that I like, but it's still cool. I like that they are old cars, like the kind that Ralph Nader hates with the fins and pointy bits.

Paper cars.

We got home. The kiddies spent some time with their dad. I got settled, got them ready for bed, had a fantastic shower, caught up with a friend on the phone and then fell into a peaceful sleep until my alarm woke me up. My alarm is an asshole.

The "So What" of this post, and all other similar posts is this ... stay up to date with your mammograms. Check yourself regularly. Take care of your girls. The pain in the ass of making an appointment, dragging your ass to the doctor and then enduring the 10 minutes of discomfort from having your boobs stuck inside a panini press is a whole lot less of a hassle than having cancer.

And the Award for the Most Expedient Mammogram Goes To .....

Today I had my annual mammogram.



Most expedient mammogram ever; from the parking to the pressing to the pork bun.

It was like I was on a Kaiser conveyor belt, but in a good way. I pulled into the parking lot to find a great parking space waiting for me. I walked over to the elevator and just as I was about to push the button, the elevator opened. I got off the elevator, walked across the lobby and just as I got to the next elevator, another door opened, as though it knew I was coming. I got to the floor where they do the mammograms and there was nobody in line. The receptionist was efficient and friendly. I filled out some paperwork and no sooner did I fill it out did the mammogrammer call my name (pronounced correctly, no less). She led me into the dressing room, gave me a gown and told me she was ready when I was. I walked into the mammogram room, smiled pretty for the camera, and in 5 minutes I was back in the elevator on my way home. (I skipped the pork bun this time - why there is a Sugarbowl Bakery in the lobby at Kaiser, I don't know, but some days I'm sure glad there is. They make great pork buns.)

My mammogrammer was named Lilia. She had great mammogrammar. She didn't tell me to hold still or hold my breath when she was about to take pictures of my girls. Instead she used really great mammogrammar and told me to "Cease Movement" and "Suspend Respiration." Another thing she did was something no other mammogrammer has ever done for me. She showed me my pictures and explained to me what makes a good picture and what makes a bad picture, like making sure you could see certain muscles in various parts of the mammogram to let the doctors know they were receiving a complete image to evaluate.

When you go for your next mammogram, you should have Lilia be your mammogrammer. She'll greet you with a smile, pronounce your name correctly and make you feel well informed and comfortable.

If you're over 40 don't forget to get your annual mammogram. If you're under 40, and if you're over 40 as well, make sure to do regular checks of your girls and to get things checked out if something doesn't feel quite right. Mammograms don't hurt. They are a little uncomfortable, but not painful. Five minutes of a little discomfort is a small price to pay for making sure your chi-chis are healthy, and if you go to Kaiser in San Francisco, you can get a mammogram from Lilia then get a pork bun afterwards.

My Birthday Came Early

OK, my birthday didn't really come early, but I did have my yearly mammogram early this year. I usually have it closer to my birthday. It felt a little weird having it a little earlier than usual, like my schedule wasn't quite right. It's sort of like when the time changes and you change the box of baking soda in the refrigerator and change the batteries in the smoke detector. I have mammograms close to my birthday. Seems fitting. My birthday is in October. October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Makes sense, to me at least.
Kaiser was totally on the ball, though. They called me in June telling me it was time. I blew them off because I knew I was going to have one in October. They kept calling and bugging me. I gave in and had my appointment. I wasn't trying to not have one, I just didn't want one until my self-appointed time.

Guidelines say if you're over 40 you should have a mammogram every 2 years. Kaiser will cover mammograms every year. I have one every year, but if you recall, I didn't have one last year as I was breastfeeding at the time. While the American Cancer Society says I could have had one, they also say that they may be not as accurate as breast tissue is more dense. Also, I had spent the 4 months prior to that being poked and prodded before the baby was born that I was a little sick of all the doctoring I had to endure.

Anyhow, I got it done and just like in the past, the procedure took about 10 minutes. It doesn't hurt, but it is a little uncomfortable.
While I was in the waiting area I took some selfies.



Afterwards I went to Sugarbowl Bakery and got some pork buns for The Girl and The Boy.

If you're over 40, get a mammogram every year. Whatever your age is, do self checks.

Until next year . . . . .

Milk Truck Ma'am

My birthday is in October, and through no fault of my own, it's also Breast Cancer Awareness Month. For the last two years I've written about getting my annual mammogram. The one from when I turned 40 is here. The one from when I turned 41 is here.

I'm skipping my annual October mammogram this year. See, this year I have an excuse. My boobs are filled with fluid that I'm using to nourish my 5 week old baby. Here she is. She has a real live name that we call her, but on the internet we call her Bean.

 According to the Susan G Komen website, breastfeeding women shouldn't get mammograms because the breastfeeding tissue appears dense making it hard to get an accurate reading. The American Cancer Society says pretty much the same thing; one isn't discouraged from getting a mammogram, but they agree with SGK that the findings are harder to interpret.

I'll get a mammogram soon after I'm done using my body and my boobs as a milk truck. And don't worry, I'll be sure to tell you all about it.

A Ma'am-o-Gram to Will Smith: Gettin' Squishy With It

Growing up I listened to a lot, and I mean A LOT of Dr. Demento. I know, big surprise, huh? I grew up listening to his 4 hour live show on KMET in SoCal.  I loved so many of the songs. I even sang them to my kiddies when they were babies. Can you just picture me rocking my babies an sweetly singing "I took a fish head out to see a movie. Didn't have to pay to get it in." I don't even know why I'm asking. I'm certain you can picture it.
I still get all the songs I loved from that time stuck in my head. From Ogden Edsl's Dead Puppies to Tom T-bone Stankus' Exitential Blues to The Frantics' Last Will and Temperment where Ed Gruberman gets a boot to the head. I've even tried to sneak my favorites onto The Girl's ipod. She gets angry, I get amused when she gets The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins stuck in her head. I'm waiting for her to get 99 Dead Baboons stuck in her head. I will consider myself a successful parent when that happens. I can't even go through a drive through without being tempted to scream "A Double Cheeseburger, Onion Rings and a Large Orange Drink, Please".

Barry Hansen (aka Dr. Demento) is responsible for developing some of the many varied layers that contribute to my sense of humor and my outlook on the world. I would say that Mr. Hansen influenced my formative years greatly, and that's something for which I am thankful. Thanks Dr. D.

OK, here's were things get weird. I didn't start this post intending to wax poetic about one of my heroes. I intended to talk about getting a mammogram today. I'm old so I have to get the girls checked once a year. I had my 2nd annual mammogram today. You might remember when I had my 1st annual mammogram in my post Freshly Squeezed and Ready for 40 where I told the story about the time my mom uttered the phrase "Andi, I think Jesus wants us to call them boobies." I had intended for this particular blog post to start with Dr. Demento, talk about the music he played on his show, then talk about the parody songs like 99 Dead Baboons, or Al Yankovic's "I Love Rocky Road" and then offer a suggestion to Will Smith. (Will, you should do a public service parody for those of us in our 40's and beyond who have to get mammograms called "Gettin' Squishy With It.") Instead, this post took on a life of its own.

So, to make a long story even longer, I had a mammogram today. Then I went to Sugarbowl Bakery and had a pork bun, then I went to work. My time spent at the doctor's office took less time than the time it took to ride Muni there. Although I won't get my official results for a few weeks, I fully expect for my results to come in the form of a postcard telling me that my scan was unremarkable and to come back in a year.

Here's the PSA part -
If you're over 40, get your regular mammograms. It's a good idea.

Freshly Squeezed. Ready for 40.

Once upon a time, when I was about 3 or 4 years old my mom and I were driving in the car. I was in the front seat, without my seat belt (because nobody in 1974 used seat belts and kids rode in the front seat all the time) rummaging around the stuff that was under the seat and on the floor. I found a medical book. It was some weird cartoon book of the female anatomy. It had cartoon diagrams of breasts, reproductive systems and such.
Having just learned a few terms used by the Vulgate to describe the top half of the female anatomy, I shouted out "Tits. Look Mom, tits."
She looked at me very calmly and said "Andi, I think Jesus wants us to call them 'boobies'."

Today is exactly one month before my 40th birthday. Rather than say goodbye to my 30's, I decided to wish my 40's an early happy birthday. Today I had my first regularly scheduled annual mammogram. I had one before about 4 years ago. My doctor found something worth investigating. The investigation (needle aspiration and core sample) found nothing of note that needed to be followed up on (yay). The experience today was a lot easier than the experience 4 years ago. 4 years ago the doctors knew they were going to see something. It was up to them to find out what it was. I was really nervous. Today I wasn't really looking forward to the process, but I wasn't nervous. Sure, it's a little bit uncomfortable being topless in front of a stranger, then getting one's boobs' squished between two plastic plates (take a deep breath, don't move, ... beep), but I was in and out of the doctors office in 20 minutes, and that includes parking, a broken elevator and stopping off at Sugarbowl for a cocktail bun and a cuppa joe.

A small inconvenience to avert a large one, to say the least.