And the Award for the Most Expedient Mammogram Goes To .....

Today I had my annual mammogram.



Most expedient mammogram ever; from the parking to the pressing to the pork bun.

It was like I was on a Kaiser conveyor belt, but in a good way. I pulled into the parking lot to find a great parking space waiting for me. I walked over to the elevator and just as I was about to push the button, the elevator opened. I got off the elevator, walked across the lobby and just as I got to the next elevator, another door opened, as though it knew I was coming. I got to the floor where they do the mammograms and there was nobody in line. The receptionist was efficient and friendly. I filled out some paperwork and no sooner did I fill it out did the mammogrammer call my name (pronounced correctly, no less). She led me into the dressing room, gave me a gown and told me she was ready when I was. I walked into the mammogram room, smiled pretty for the camera, and in 5 minutes I was back in the elevator on my way home. (I skipped the pork bun this time - why there is a Sugarbowl Bakery in the lobby at Kaiser, I don't know, but some days I'm sure glad there is. They make great pork buns.)

My mammogrammer was named Lilia. She had great mammogrammar. She didn't tell me to hold still or hold my breath when she was about to take pictures of my girls. Instead she used really great mammogrammar and told me to "Cease Movement" and "Suspend Respiration." Another thing she did was something no other mammogrammer has ever done for me. She showed me my pictures and explained to me what makes a good picture and what makes a bad picture, like making sure you could see certain muscles in various parts of the mammogram to let the doctors know they were receiving a complete image to evaluate.

When you go for your next mammogram, you should have Lilia be your mammogrammer. She'll greet you with a smile, pronounce your name correctly and make you feel well informed and comfortable.

If you're over 40 don't forget to get your annual mammogram. If you're under 40, and if you're over 40 as well, make sure to do regular checks of your girls and to get things checked out if something doesn't feel quite right. Mammograms don't hurt. They are a little uncomfortable, but not painful. Five minutes of a little discomfort is a small price to pay for making sure your chi-chis are healthy, and if you go to Kaiser in San Francisco, you can get a mammogram from Lilia then get a pork bun afterwards.