“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”
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Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Online Fun Offline

A lifetime ago when I was 18, 19 I worked at a burger joint. Most of the time I worked the closing shift. There were a handful of regulars who would come in most nights and I got to be friends with some of them. They were short-lived friendships but we had fun. One of the people I would hang out with was named .....I don't even remember his name but I remember he told me a story about the time he did drugs in the bathroom of a party with Tony Geary of "Luke" fame on General Hospital. Anyhow, this guy was friends with a guy named Jeff Vilencia. I have no idea why I remember his name or why my encounter with him was so memorable, but he stuck with me. I haven't seen him since I was 18, 19. I haven't talked to him either. I have no idea what this guy is up to or if he even remembers me. Anyhow, below is a movie he made. He had this thing about women with large beautiful feet squishing bugs. I thought about him a few days ago when I was looking at an online dating site.

I almost went on a date, I went on a date and then I went on another date.
I knew I'd be rusty. I knew I'd be nervous. I knew the chances of any guy I meet on online dating being Blane McDonnagh, Ronny Cammareri or Lloyd Dobbler would be slim. I knew he probably wouldn't even be my Jeff Vilencia, or guy who did drugs with Luke Spencer. I knew it would probably be fun, though.

I almost went on a date.
I had been using the chat feature and talking to this one guy. We talked on the phone and I immediately realized that those were the wrong sort of bees. He was not for me. The deal was sealed when he sent me a message and asked me to send him a picture of my feet. I haven't communicated with him since.

I went on a date.
Dude looked about 10 years older than his profile said he was and the profile picture looked about as much like him as I look like the weight my drivers license says I am. The food was good. We had fried pork necks with cumin and spare ribs. Dude was nice but kind of dull. Not in a "my voice is my passport" kind of way, but still, not for me.

Luckily the experience didn't sour me too much because
I went on another date.
I met this guy in a bar. Unlike the other two guys, this guy I didn't speak to on the phone first. My sister would tell me that was a mistake. What if he had an Urkel voice? Luckily he didn't have an Urkel voice. He had a bit more gray than his online picture presented but I could tell who he was from his photo. We split a pizza. Nice enough guy. While he was not Blane McDonnagh, I did see some hints of  Ronny Cammareri with a little bit of Palmer Joss sprinkled in there. His eyes were all his, good eyes and he has a nice face-in-repose-half-smile thing. I'd happily meet him again.

So I'm not going to chronicle every encounter I have via online dating. I may have some interesting stories to tell but I'm not interested in trash-talking anyone. I'm not interested in identifying anyone. I'm also not interested in giving you all the details about myself I'm not willing to give.

In summary, I officially put myself back on the market. Blane McDonnagh, Ronny Cammareri and Lloyd Dobler are not real people, fried pork necks with cumin are delicious and that Sam Elliott side glance half smile resting face totally works.


  1. I remember those days... Met some really weird men..lol...including a man who wanted to show me a scar from when an Emu bit him. Word to the wise--never leave without your cell phone, and trust your instincts--if you want to run--don't be polite and sit it through, just run. Also, always have a friend call you so you always have an excuse to "leave". :)

    1. Now I would have wanted to see the Emu scar. Do you still have his number?

      And I am always safe. Meet in a public place. Drive to and from by myself, not with him. Give the guy's name and number to a friend or two before the date and the basic outline of the date in case the guy turns out to be a creeper.


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