Math and Blasphemy - true, yet pointless story

So my boy is starting to learn his times tables.

I have a bit of a hard time helping him with math because the methods he's being taught to solve his math problems differ from how I was taught to solve them. I can show him how I get to the answer but I have a hard time showing him how he's supposed to get to the answer the common core way. We get through it, but sometimes it takes a bit longer than other times.

I remember my first introduction to times tables.

 I was in the 3rd grade. My teacher drew a grid on the chalkboard and started telling a story about how Lot and his wife were looking to build a house and they needed to figure out how many bricks they needed. I, of course, got my Bible out during math class (remember, I went to a parochial school) and searched for the story of Lot and his wife building a house. I couldn't find it. I searched and searched. Once his wife turned into a pillar of salt, I figured I'd gone a chapter or two too far. I would go back to the beginning of Genesis 11 (where Lot and his wife make their first appearance) and start my search again.

 When I couldn't find any reference to L and his wife building a house and not being able to figure out their brick needs I raised my hand. I questioned the teacher about her story. She said it wasn't actually in the Bible. She was making it up to illustrate how to do times tables.

I was so mad at her. I scolded her for being a blasphemer in front of the class.

Lot and his wife and their housing problems never came up again.

Whale 'n Chz - Conversation with my 5 year old.

The scene - 
I had just gotten home from work. I was sitting on the couch. The Boy was snuggled into the crook of my arm. He was happy I was home, but equally content to be mesmerized by the Wild Kratt's show.

The Conversation
Me - How was your day?
The Boy - Good
Me - What did you do today?
The Boy - (can't talk. TV)
Me - Why does your breath smell like mac 'n chz?
The Boy (clearly not paying attention to me) - It's a Sperm Whale
Me - You ate a sperm whale?
The Boy - No
Me - Then why does your breath smell like mac 'n chz?

We have a lot of conversations like that.

Would you just stand still for a moment?

Every few months my mom and dad bug me to send more pictures of the kids. It's no problem sending pictures of The Girl. She'll pose, ham it up, be silly, look beautiful; whatever you ask, she'll do, even if she doesn't want to.
I'd like to share with the world why I don't send them pictures of The Boy very often. It's not that I don't want to. It's that I can't. I can't get a picture of him, that is.

Here are some of the most recent pics of The Boy.

Here he is at the Golden Gate Bridge

At the San Francisco Zoo watching penguins

Looking under the curtain at Old Navy changing room

Trying to move a rack of clothing at Old Navy

all tuckered out from a day of avoiding being photographed

It's not for lack of trying. He just won't stay still long enough to capture him on film.