Me and Mr. Somebody - A Dream

Last night I had a dream I had an almost-boyfriend.

There was this guy who was sweet on me. I can't tell if it was Eric Roberts or Anthony Bourdain. (I'm hoping it was the latter. Screw it. It's my dream. I'm going to say it was the latter.)





He was taking me out on a date. While I was getting ready I stepped in some weird mud and had to hose off my feet and change my clothes. I changed into a yellow one piece jumpsuit, baggy pants halter top type thing, a flowing scarf, a big floppy hat, brown sandals and big round sunglasses. 
We drove in his convertible. He took a very beautiful yet super scary route along the coastline. One lane hugging the rocks with waves splashing over as he drove down the road. We got to our destination. It was an all-star baseball game. I told him I'd never been to an all-star baseball game but I had been to an all-star hockey game and the arena was empty. It was nice to see a full stadium even though I was totally overdressed. We got to our seats and instead of bleachers or stadium seats, everyone sat on pillows on the floor. Some people from work with big impressive titles were sitting near us. I heard one ask another "what's she doing here?" and the other answered "they're kinda sweet on each other." Then the first one shrugged and said OK.

Down the Drain -- A Dream

I don't like Caillou at all. The talking puppets creep me out and I think I may want to punch every single one of them on the show, and Caillou twice. Don't even get me started on the way Caillou pronounces the word Pizza.

The other night I dreamed I was hanging out with Caillou and his mom. I don't think they knew I was there. I was just there not participating.
Caillou's mom was giving Caillou a bath. All of the sudden Caillou's mom heard the front door open and said "Oh, (insert favorite expletive here)" and grabbed a baggie out of her baggie mom jeans' pocket and emptied a baggie of little blue pills down the drain. Since the water wasn't draining fast enough the little blue pills kept floating to the top. Caillou and his mom kept pushing the pills down the drain until they all went down.

A Hose and a Stick - Book Review

So my disclaimer right up front; I didn't read more than a few paragraphs; OK, only one whole paragraph and a handful of sentences and not all of them were in the order the author intended. My 2.5 year old loves books and always wants someone to read to her. She'll walk up to any bookshelf and pick up any book that looks interesting and ask in the sweetest voice ever DEMAND "Read to me. Read to me."

Tonight's selection was Marley; A Dog Like No Other by John Grogan.

Now when Beanie gets a book read to her, she decides what page gets read when, and in what order. Tonight she ran up to me holding the book she had chosen (Marley, as stated before), climbed up onto the couch, jumped around a little bit then settled and snuggled right up next to me in the crook of my arm, opened the book and pointed to a passage and demanded with sugar on top that I read.

The first passage she had me read was all about how this guy had lost a gold necklace and just as he had given up looking for it his dog pooped it out. He explained in detail how a hose with a spray nozzle and a stick freed the gold neckl.....

Then Bean turned the page and pointed to another part of the book where the dog had graduated from his dog training class but as soon as they had to apply what the dog had learned in the class into real-life scenarios, the dog failed and they were no better off than they were before they started going to dog training school.

Then she turned a few more pages here and there but never let me read more than a few words or phrases. She was satisfied when we got to the last page and closed the book with a content sounding "The End."

In summary, I don't think I'll actually sit down and read the book. From the passages and phrases I did get to read, I was entertained and so was Bean.

Oooh! That Smarts.

When I was little there was a commercial for Wonder Bread that I just loved. Two sentient loaves of Wonder Bread were talking to each other about how fresh they seemed because of the way they were produced and packaged. Then a woman comes up and squeezes one of them and it says "Oooh! That Smarts!" Then the two sentient loaves of were tossed into the lady's shopping cart and off they went with a happy heart, to be smushed into little balls and used as bait at the local fishing hole, smathered with peanut butter and jelly or stuffed with hot fried baloney and yellow mustard.

So one day I was grocery shopping with my mom and I was just hoping beyond hope I could see someone squeeze the Wonder Bread. AND OH MY GOSH!!!! Someone did! I saw a lady reach out her hand, squeeze the bread then at just the right moment I gleefully blurted out "Oooh! That Smarts!" The lady jumped then she and my mom laughed about it. Best Day Ever!


So this weekend I was visiting some of my family and The Boy was grabbing onto my hands and trying to do this weird balancing climbing thing that only makes sense to a 6 year old boy. I told him that I needed to change the position of my hands because when he did what he was doing it smarted. He asked me what that meant. Right on the spot, I came up with a definition for Smarting that seemed to fit perfectly with the situation, and, well, let's face it, it fits perfectly well with life. For the rest of your days, please feel free to use my definition of "Smarts."

Smart - any kind of pain that hurts as it is happening, but stops hurting the moment whatever is causing pain goes away. Pain without any lingering pain or side effects.
Example - I had a cortisone shot in my knee once. It hurt like a (rhymes with) brother trucker while the needles was delivering its medication, but the moment the needle was removed there was no pain whatsoever.
Another example - Plucking one's eyebrows. It smarts when the hair is plucked but doesn't hurt at all afterwards.

You're welcome.