Step It Up - An Open Letter to Bob's (Sketchers)

Dear Bob's Slippers,

When I was a kid, one of the "big ticket" items we'd get in our stockings at Christmas was Totes Socks. I loved getting them. I loved the non-stick bumpy bits at the bottom, preferring a speedbump or zigzag pattern over a Botts Dots one. As much as I loved receiving them, I only loved wearing them once or twice. After that, the original comfy cushion and fuzz is dulled, and all the socks do is make my feet hot. Sure I'd bring them out and wear them on cold nights, but when I woke up in the morning, I was no longer wearing them. I would take them off in my sleep and forget about them, only to rediscover them when I changed my sheets and saw a week's worth of mismatched socks and totes under the sheets.  It still holds true to today; I go to bed with socks on, take them off in my sleep, then wake up barefoot, none the wiser until I change my sheets and find half a dozen mismatched socks.

Not unlike this Earth over the last billion years (give or take), I am not above evolving. This pandemic has changed me. No, I haven't spent all my money on Totes, but I have been spending time with its cousin, the slipper. My thinking and my experiences changed when I embraced the slipper. Because of the slipper, I no longer have errant socks milling about at the foot of my bed under the covers. 

It started a few Christmases ago. Captain Awesome wanted a pair of slippers. I got him some but they sent the wrong size. In my laziness to return them, I decided I would like to keep them and wear them. And wear them I did, into the ground. I wore them so much they turned into but a shell of what a slipper should be. They lasted almost 2 years. 

When they wore out, I bought a pair at Walgreens. They were awesome the first time I wore them, but after about a week of wear, they were no longer comfortable. The squishy had gone away and the fuzzy became scratchy. 

I gave up slipper wearing and went back to my former sock-wearing behavior. 

Then the SIP order came. 

I dug out my failed Christmas gift slippers, quickly realized I should have just thrown them away (so I did). I got out my Walgreens slippers, wore them for a day and realized they weren't going to cut it. I went to Amazon and found some Bob's Slippers by Sketchers. I thought hey, I have Bob's shoes that I bought at Costco on a whim, and they turned out to be really comfy shoes, why don't I give their slippers a try?

Try I did. They were awesome. They stayed awesome from March until this week. This week they officially turned to the uncomfy and on the crunchy side. I have to admit, I did throw them through the wash once a few months ago. Captain Awesome and I were house-sitting for some friends. Knowing I would want to wear slippers at their house, I threw my trusty Bob slippers in the washer and dryer so I could wear "fresh" slippers at their place and not track in any germs from my house or outside. They came out a little shrunken, but stretched out easy enough after a few hours of wear. 

With this pandemic and everyone needing to stay home more, my guess is that slipper wearing is on the rise. And with all that slipper wearing, there is the accelerated slipper wearing-out-ing. Our need for slippers is exceeding the life of the slipper. 

Oh Bob's, comfy slipper maker extraordinaire, slippers aren't just for after work anymore, they are for work. America's slipper needs are changing. We need a more durable slipper. Please help. 

Thank you,

Andrea

P.S. I am not a crackpot

Not the Right Size - An Open Letter to Sunset Scavenger

When I was a kid, trash night was Thursday night. Every Thursday it was my job to walk around the house and collect all the trash from the tiny cans in the bathrooms so my dad could take the trash to the curb. We didn't have trash cans; nobody did. We just put the bags on the curb. Then as I got older, the City said we had to have cans. My dad brought home these giant cans, taller than me. They were super thick cardboard with a metal rim. I could never find the right spot to grab them and drag them into the backyard when they were emptied. I usually kicked them over and rolled them into the backyard, hoping that I wouldn't lose control of the cans causing them to roll down the slight decline in the driveway to the street. I'm sure the city I grew up in has city-provided trash bins now, and perhaps even bins to recycle, but when I was a kid, we didn't have them.

Flash forward to present day, we have 3 bins in SF; black for landfill, green for compost and blue for recycle.

Dear Sunset Scavenger,

I am in complete support of the trash service collection program in San Francisco. I know to put my food and food-soaked paper packaging into the compost. I know to put my cans, bottles and papers into the recycle and I know where to put the items that are not nature-based or recyclable. I know to put all my used batteries in a plastic bag on top of the trash bin. I know to put all my plastic zip-lock/sandwich type bags in a plastic bag and place on top of the recycle.

It's a well-oiled practice-turned habit that I no longer even think about much. I just do it.

Here is a picture of my trash bins. I am really really bothered by them.The capacity seems to be sized appropriately to my trash output needs. My recycling is really freaking huge, my compost is a pretty good size. My trash bin is a bit small, but when one takes the small amount of time needed to separate one's refuse, one doesn't need a big trash bin.

My issue is the barrels themselves. I hate to go all Nigel Tufnel on you but they are all 3 different heights, all three different widths and all 3 different depths and three different lengths. They don't match. They aren't even sized proportionally. Even the handles are at different heights.

Not as bad as the stupid-ass cardboard bins with the metal rims I had to fight with every week but sheesh; trash is messy and icky, at least make it look nicer.

Thank you,
Andrea

P.S. I am not a crackpot.

Dude, really? An Open Letter to Ike's Sandwiches

Dear Ike's

Really? $11 for this?


Today I got my first paycheck from my new job. I am very pleased about this and decided that although I always bring my own lunch to work, today I was going to celebrate and buy my lunch.

I was excited to see Ike's across the street from my office in Emeryville. I'd never eaten at an Ike's before. I was excited to give it a try. Today I tried Ike's for the first time. Unfortunately, today I probably tried Ike's for the last time.

Whenever I go to a sandwich place I've never been to before I order a salami sandwich; a simple one with salami, lettuce, tomato, mustard, mayonnaise and pepperoncini on sliced sourdough bread. It's an easy sandwich that's hard to fuck up.

Guess what Ike's, you fucked it up.

Take a look at the picture. This is supposed to be a Salami sandwich? It's not. It's a mustard and lettuce sandwich with salami as a condiment.

I know my salami sandwiches. I am a casual expert when it comes to salami sandwiches. I have eaten more salami sandwiches than any other sandwich I've ever eaten combined, and that includes all the PB&J I had as a kid. One could argue I am an armchair connoisseur of salami sandwiches, or really, any sandwich using the salumi family of meats.

First, let's talk about the bread. I ordered my sandwich on sliced sourdough. You made my sandwich on a sourdough roll. I don't like rolls for sandwiches because the top of the roll always cuts up the roof of my mouth. I don't like that feeling. If you don't have sliced sourdough on your menu, your cashier should have alerted me to that fact when I asked for it. She did not.

Second, the lettuce. Shredded lettuce is gross on sandwiches. I know, this is a personal preference. Not a deal-breaker if the rest of the sandwich is delicious, but not my favorite thing.

Third, kind of goes back to the shredded lettuce. Too much mustard serves as a swimming pool for the shredded lettuce. One should not be able to pour lettuce out of a sandwich.

Fourth, I should have read the menu better. I did not know your sandwiches come hot unless otherwise asked. I have a problem with hot lettuce and hot mustard and mayo. I know there are some freakshows out there who think that hot condiments (we're talking temperature, not spice) are appetizing. I am not one of them. The smell of hot mayo makes me want to hurl. Hot mayo smells like Nair.

Fifth, and the most important of the factors of why your sandwich was so disappointing, why don't you put salami on your salami sandwiches? A wafer-thin layer of salami spread across a piece of bread does not a salami sandwich make. For a sandwich this size, and for $11 I should have gotten salami piled at least 1/2 inch high. Even if the rest of the sandwich is sub-par, it can be saved by the quality and amount of meat it has. Your lack of meat did not provide that lifeboat it needed to save the integrity of my sandwich.

All that being said, I was hungry. I ate the sandwich. Also, I didn't want to waste food. I paid 11 freaking dollars for it. It was so super far from the best sandwich I've ever had, but at best it was "pretty OK." I won't eat at Ike's again, unless someone else is paying and they go get it and bring it to me.

Thank you,
Andrea

P.S. I am not a crackpot.

Friday Treat - An Open Letter to Chai Cart

About 2 months ago or so I spent the better part of the week in the hospital. Not a super fun time, but the docs patched me up just fine and I'm good as new. Whilst there, I had no coffee. I could have, but hospital coffee is a delicious as their Salisbury Steak, which is to say, not good at all. It's kinda hard to screw up hot water and a bag of black tea, though. So that's what I drank.

After a week of no coffee, I kind of lost my desire for it. Don't know why, but I've been choosing tea, Darjeeling mostly, as my hot-water-based beverage of choice. I still get the caffeine I've conditioned my body to crave, but with a different flavor profile. I still have coffee, just not everyday.

Dear Chai Cart,

I think you're awesome. You're expensive and I can't afford you daily, but you're great. See, you cost me $5 ($4 + $1 tip). I know there are plenty of people who go to S-Bux everyday and throw down $5 on their vente, double shot, two pumps vanilla, 1/2 pump hazelnut, extra sweetener, almond milk cup of stupid sprinkled with a dash of cinnamon, but that's not me. I'm usually happy with the Green Mountain coffee pods or Bigelow Tea provided by my office.

This morning I treated myself to a Masala Chai. I truly enjoy the product Chai Cart puts out. A steamy cup of Masala Chai hits the spot on a Friday morning. It's so hot I can't drink it for the first 20 minutes, but that's OK. It's all part of the ritual of spending $5 for a cuppa your tea; smelling the yummy spices, warming my hands, burning my fingers if I walk too quickly and spill a little bit.

And your customer service? So great. I have never encountered a grumpy Chai Cart worker. I imagine that's a hard job to be nice all the time especially because they have to stand outside in the cold and sell stuff to busy captains of industry. I've worked plenty of customer service / food service jobs and I know it's kind of hard to be "on" all the time. Not every customer is nice. It's hard to be nice back to the mean ones.

Chai Cart employees are always friendly and engaging. They have a knack for having a conversation with the customer without it seeming like they are just being nice because it's their job. They seem like actual nice people.

So thank you Chai Cart.

Andrea

P.S. I am not a crackpot

Mucho Mahalos - An Open Letter to Trader Joe's

Dear Trader Joe's.

Oh my gosh, TJ's. Thank you. I love this stuff.

I have psoriasis. I get yucky scaly patches on my knuckles, elbows, ankles ... all the typical places one gets psoriasis plaque. It's gross. It makes my skin look and feel gross. I don't have it nearly as badly as those who came up in my search for pictures of people with psoriasis, I was looking at pictures to figure out how bad mine was vs. how bad the really bad cases are. Turns out mine isn't as bad as it could be and my trouble spots are pretty typical and consistent with textbook psoriasis.

Anywhoozle, I have topical meds that work really well, but lotion helps keep breakouts at bay and help manage existing psoriasis plaque spots.

One day I tried your Coconut Body Butter and I'm telling you TJ's, the clouds parted, angels started singing, there was a vibe of Aloha in the air you've never seen the likes of ...... Your product is magic.

Now I know your Coconut Body Butter is not a cure. I know it isn't a substitute for the medication I take. But I do know that this lotion is the best lotion to soothe the dry icky skin my body likes to over-produce and helps it not to look so irritated and angry. I have a jar of it at my desk at work, in my car and in the house, although the one in the house is usually snatched up by my oldest daughter. It's really freaking good lotion.

Thanks Trader Joe's.

Andrea

P.S. I am not a crackpot.

jsyk, i received no benefit from TJ's for writing this blog post. they didn't ask me to write a review. They don't know who I am. They didn't give me anything for writing this post and I'm not asking for anything in return. I wouldn't turn anything down, but I'm not expecting anything in return.

Fake Nutella is Gross: An Open Letter to Hershey

Dear Hershey,

Nutella is a big deal in my house. My kids love it. A spoonful in a bowl of oatmeal at breakfast, eaten "chips and salsa style" with apples in the afternoon. Heck, even a spoonful in the evening after the kiddies go to bed has curbed my chocolate/sugar craving on occasion. It would be my wish that we didn't have Nutella in the house so often so it will remain a treat and not a staple, but alas, it's always at the house.  

The ex did some grocery shopping. He brought home a treat for the kids. He brought home Hershey's Spreads, or in other words FAKE NUTELLA.

At first, I was excited to taste the Hershey version of the fake Nutella. I like Hershey chocolate. I know it's not the best chocolate in the whole world. It's not the best chocolate I've ever tasted, but taken by itself, it's good candy that contains chocolate. I like the way it melts. I like that weird sour taste. I don't like it because it's chocolate. I like it because it's Hershey.

Because of my fondness for the Hershey, I thought that the Fake Nutella would taste like a spreadable Hershey bar. That sounded yummy. I was so disappointed when I learned that Fake Nutella, not only did it not taste like a spreadable Hershey bar, it tasted like weird smokey chocolate diesel, but with that usually pleasant Hershey smell lingering like the smell of a mop at McDonalds.

I was not happy.

Hershey, what happened? Did the consistency of a melted Hershey Bar not please your focus group? Did you make your test subjects drink trout juice before they tasted the Fake Nutella so they would think the metallic diesel smell was just the finish of trout juice on the palate and not a byproduct of the weird emulsifiers you are using to make the Fake Nuttela the right consistency?

OK, that was a bit harsh, but really, Hershey. This was kind of a slam dunk and you made it gross.



From,
Andrea

P.S. I am not a crackpot

Like a Pretty Girl Handing me a Reeses- An Open Letter to the Folks at Glaceau

Dear Coke, Glaceau and Smartwater NPD Folk,

I drink fizzy water daily. Everyday. 7 days a week. Most of my friends know my go-to beverage is fizzy water. I'll choose fizzy water over soda. Fizzy water is what I drink when I'm done drinking beer. Fizzy water is what I drink when I'm not drinking beer. Fizzy water is what I drink at a BBQ. Fizzy water is what I drink at home. I'm not saying all I drink is fizzy water, because I do drink tap water; and I drink wine and beer and coffee and tea. Not really big on spirits, and only occasionally get the hankering for some juice, but I when I do have juice, I usually cut it with what? you guessed it! Fizzy Water.

First, I should say I like my fizzy water at room temperature. I am not super fond of cold fizzy water. I won't turn it down if someone offers it to me. It's not like cold fizzy water is horrible. It's just that I don't like the cold bubbles as much as I like room temperature bubbles. 

Here's what I know to be true; a blanket statement for all fizzy water brands and flavors I've tried.

Lemon fizzy water tastes like Lemon Pledge.

Orange fizzy water is vile. 

Berry flavored or stone fruit flavored, tree fruit flavored, the lot of 'em are 10x worse than the little nub on the end of a banana, otherwise known as Satan's Anus. (note - Satan's Anus is more vile than the regular vile-ness of Orange)

The only flavors acceptable in fizzy water are plain and lime. I've had Fizzy grapefruit, and that was pretty yummy but I don't remember the brand.  I will also try flavors I haven't tried before.

When I was at Walgreen's the other day I made an important discovery. Fizzy Smartwater. I was so excited.

It was like that Reeses commercial where Robbie Benson and Donnie Most crashed into each other when they were both checking out the same girl. They collide and Donnie Most's chocolate got into Robbie Benson's peanut butter, and Robbie Benson's peanut butter got into Donnie Most's chocolate, and then the pretty girl giggles, gives them puppy eyes then hands them a Reeses.

With more enthusiasm than my kids wanted to see in Walgreens, I bought the Fizzy Smartwater and when I got home, hastily opened the bottle so I could take a big swig.

.......

I was disappointed.

The water was too salty. I bought it cold and immediately tasted the saltiness. Usually I don't detect the saltiness unless the water has been open more than a day. With Fizzy Smartwater, I detected the saltiness right away. I tried another swig when the bottle was room temperature. The water kinda tasted like baby aspirin.

The bubbles were too small and stabby. It was like a fermented stabby, not a carbonated stabby. For stabby I like big bubbles (trader joe's). For refreshing, I like small bubbles (Pelligrino). 

Such a bummer because I drink a lot of smartwater and I drink a lot of fizzy water. I thought, y'know, for efficiency's sake, that fizzy smartwater would be my cost efficient ticket to hydration.

Bummer.

So, Coke, Glaceau, Smartwater, and whatever big enterprise you run or runs you, you tried. You didn't really succeed, but you tried. Thank you anyways.

From,
Andrea

P.S. I am not a crackpot.

Excessive Use of the Dot Dot Dot ..... An Open Letter to Steven Bochco

Dear Mr. Bochco

The Girl (my teenage daughter) and I have been watching Doogie Howser, MD on Hulu. We put in a few episodes a day. I'm enjoying watching it with her for a few reasons. I love the hair. I love the old technology. I love the clothes. Mostly I love the relationship Doogie has with his girlfriend Wanda. I love watching Vinnie and Janine. I love watching Vinnie and Doogie, and I especially love how Vinnie totally has the hots for Mrs. Howser.

What I really love about the show, above everything else is the opportunity that I get to tell The Girl stories about when I was growing up and the different situations I've been in; funny, sad, silly, stupid, learning experiences during my teenage and young adult life. Hopefully some of them are cautionary tales, hopefully some are funny. Mostly I just hope she finds that they show her that although I grew up in a different time, I still encountered a lot of the same or similar teenage problems and situations that she has, or will encounter.

There's the story about my first date where I spent hours figuring out how much blue eye shadow I should wear so I looked hot but not slutty.

There's the story about when I was 14 and my friends got busted for stealing stuff at the mall and about how I really really wanted to go with them but was too chicken.

There's the story about the time I scolded Danny Glover in public.

Whilst watching The Doog tonight I was reminded of the accidental date I once went on.

It was soon after I had moved to San Francisco. A Midsummer Night's Dream was playing at the Coronet or some such movie theater on Geary St. that doesn't exist anymore. I was too much of an insecure freakshow to go to a movie by myself. I wanted to see it and none of my roommates did. I didn't really know a lot of people. I knew one guy who was into film. I didn't know him very well but I gave him a call and asked him if he wanted to come with me. He said yes.

He showed up at my door. He was freshly showered, freshly shaved and had on a clean shirt. The moment I saw him I thought "oh shit, this is a date." I had not intended the night to be a date. I just wanted to see the movie and didn't want to go alone. The "oh shit, this is a date" was cemented in fact when we got to the movie theater and he bought the tickets, winked at me and said "you can get the popcorn."

While we were at the movies, my roommates and a few other friends were at Slim's watching some band. In my head it was Desmond Decker but it may have not been. I could be making that part up but I don't think I am. I think it was Desmond Decker. After the date the guy asked me what I wanted to do. I told him we should go to Slim's.We did. We saw Desmond Decker (or someone else, who knows).  I drove home with my roommates and he, as far as I know, went home alone.

The Girl found this story amusing, but I feel bad about this night to this day. I didn't want this night to be a date, but I should have at least been nicer to him. He was a nice guy  I assume he is still a nice guy even though I haven't spoken to him in at least a decade, and looking back, he was probably a pretty good catch.

Luckily this guy became friends with my roommates and me and even lived in our apartment for a few months. It's been a long time since I've seen him. When The Girl is ready I have another story about him that I find terribly amusing. When there's a Doogie Howser, MD episode that relates to it, I may tell her.

So to this guy, thank you for playing a part in life. I'm sorry for being kind of a jerk that night we saw that movie. If I had to do it over, I would have let you drive me home instead of abandoning you at Slim's. I probably wouldn't have wanted to go out on a 2nd date, but I would have been nicer.

I'm glad we became friends anyway.

To Steven Bochco, thank you for Doogie Howser, MD. I'm having fun watching it with my daughter.

Thanks,
Andrea

P.S. I am not a crack-pot.

.... And the Horse You Came in On, An Open Letter to Peet's in Embarcadero Station

So today I needed a second cup of coffee. I usually do go with just one in the morning before I leave the house, but today, two was necessary. It was so necessary that I couldn't wait to get to the office for my cup of joe.


I went to the Peet's inside Embarcadero Station.


Now I love me some savory scones. I was excited to see they had a kale and cheddar scone. I ordered one. I think they get their scones from Raison D’être. Super yummy scones, for sure. Not enough places have savory scones and I was happy to see it there.


While I was waiting for my coffee with room (which had no "room," btw) I thought it would be nice to get a marble loaf for my co-worker. We are having a busy week and I though he would appreciate the treat. I asked the cashier "Pip" for a marble loaf slice. He looked at me, put his arms akimbo, cocked his head to the side and said "You want a Kale and Cheddar Scone AND a Marble Loaf? I looked at him and said "yes, and a small coffee."


OK, maybe I am PMSing and just read the guy wrong, but really?


That is not your job, Pip. Your job is to sell stuff, not to judge the customer to her face. Your job is to sell stuff and if you would like, you're free to go in the back and make fun and judge all you want, but in front of the customer, it's your job to sell. Buy adding that extra marble loaf I increased the sale in that transaction by 30%. I'll be sure to never do that again.


Love,
Andrea


P.S. I am not a crackpot

You Made Me Lie to My Son - an Open Letter to Applegate Organic and Natural Meats

Dear Applegate,

Hubby and I try our best to eat a Paleo diet. We're not the best at it, staying true to the spirit of the way of eating about 85% of the time.

We are always on the look-out for new ideas, inspiration and recipes. We are especially on the look-out for quick foods from the conventional grocery store by our house. That is why we were so excited to see Applegate Natural Chicken and Apple Breakfast Sausage. Hubby bought a box thinking we'd give it a try.

This morning I was running a bit behind (as usual), I hadn't had my coffee yet (not as usual) and looking for something quick for my toddler and me to eat. I pulled the sausage out of the freezer and through the sleep in my eyes, read the back of the box.

Your nutrition panel states that one serving comprises 3 sausages. Your cooking instructions give directions for 2 sausages and 4 sausages. According to your box, in order for me to have a complete serving of your sausage, I need to cook a portion 1/3 bigger than the recommended portion. Now I'm not an idiot. I can do math. I can infer that if cooking 2 sausages takes 1 1/2 minutes, then I could just add an additional 45 seconds to heat up the third sausage. However, microwaves don't always work on the principles of logical mathematical equations when heating up frozen things. I thought that 2 minutes 15 seconds would be too much for 3 frozen sausages. I decided to heat up my 3 sausages using the heating guidelines for 2 sausages. You wanna know what happened? It turns out that 1 1/2 minutes is too much for 3 sausages. One minute would have done it. OK, I'll concede that I was planning on giving one of the sausages to my toddler. Knowing the sausage was fully cooked I didn't need to heat it up to 165 degrees. I could just simply take the chill off before handing it to her. But I heated up my 3 sausages at 1 1/2 minutes, found it way to hot for even me to eat right away. I had to pass it back and forth from hand to hand making "ah-ah" noises and blowing on it before I could eat it. (yes, I know I could have just put it down on the plate and waited a minute and maybe passed the time by tying my shoes or making sure I had my bag packed for the day, but it was early and I hadn't had my coffee yet.)
Once I finished my sausages, I cut up my toddler's sausage into bite-sized pieces, put it in a little ramekin and put it on the table next to her brother who was eating the breakfast his dad had made for him. He asked me if I was feeding her last night's meatloaf for breakfast. I told him yes because I knew he'd ask for some and I didn't want to do more math and be confused with your heating instructions at 6:30am, before I had my coffee.

Thanks Applegate for making me do math and lie to my son.

By the way, your sausage were pretty good. I can't wait to eat them with some fried eggs and dip the sausage in the runny yolk before I take a bite.

I'm no Health Master, but .... - An Open Letter to Montel Williams and The Blender He Does Commercials For.

Dear Montel,

When The Girl was a baby, say 11 months old or so, when we went grocery shopping, like most parents, I had to keep my baby from losing her marbles. Sometimes I would give her a box of mac n chz to use like a maraca. Sometimes I would give her a lemon and then wait for her to bite into it so I could see her sour face. More often, though, I would go to the salad bar and grab a piece of steamed vegetable. Where we shopped at that time the store always had steamed cauliflower on their salad bar. The Girl would take the cauliflower and turn it into a slobbery mess with tiny little bites taken out of it. It kept her entertained for at least 1/2 of the shopping trip.

I would get two reactions. The first one was from people who would ask me why I gave her cauliflower. Why didn't I just give her a cookie instead. I would answer with "Why would I give my kid a cookie? She's never had one before." or "What's wrong with cauliflower." The other reaction, was the reaction I got most often. People would ask me how in the world I got my kid to eat a piece of cauliflower. My answer was simple, because I gave it to her. My baby didn't need cookies. My baby didn't need processed foods. Cauliflower was just fine.

This morning morning The Girl, who is now 14 her brother The Boy, age 5 and I were watching TV. We came aross an infomercial called "Best Blender Ever." (or something like that). I stopped on the channel because we make smoothies every morning and my blender doesn't have the power I'd like it to have. I heard you tell the audience that this blender is a great way to disguise vegetables. Then some woman came on and said it was a great way to hide vegetables from her twins. After that you were at some farmers market where you were teaching kids how to hide their vegetables.



Why do you need to teach kids how to hide their vegetables? Why not teach kids that vegetables aren't gross? Why don't we teach kids to eat well by not exposing them to processed foods until they've developed a taste for the things that they should be eating? OK, so you're argument here is that the kids you were talking to were already taught that vegetables are gross. I still maintain that teaching kids to hide the flavor is wrong. It has to be possible to teach kids that savory is yummy and that things don't have to be coated with sugar in order to enjoy them.

I'm not perfect. I don't always monitor what my kids eat, but what I have been successful at is making sure there are plenty of fruits and vegetables they can always eat. The Boy will knock back a box of Trader Joe's peanut butter sandwich  crackers, which is bad, but he'll also kill a basket of cherry tomatoes in one sitting or grab a carrot when he's hungry . The Girl puts waaaay too much sugar in her tea but I've also seen her grab a handful of spinach because she felt she hadn't had enough vegetables that day and was feeling like her body needed it. Both of my older kids are happy with having a piece of fruit for dessert.

I teach my kids that you have to have good food in you before you can put bad food in you. I don't go overboard and tell them they can't have any treats. I'm not the mom who only gives them fruit sweetened, gluten free, vegan birthday cake. But I am the kind of mom who makes sure they know the difference between food your body needs, and food your sweet tooth craves.

Cultivate their palates for what is good for them and they will crave what is good for them. Tricking them into eating their vegetables isn't the answer.

Thanks,
Andrea

Not quite there yet: An Open Letter to Straus Creamery

Last Saturday I went a familiar journey for my family. We got burritos for dinner. This enterprise always seems to take more money out of my pocket than it should but such is life, eh?

Here's how it goes.

The Fam wants burritos for dinner, all except The Boy who would rather have pizza. No worries, there's a pizza place down the street from the burrito place where we go that sells by the slice. A slice of pizza that he will eat is way cheaper than the burrito he won't, right?

Here's the sequence of events that causes the trouble -

I drive to the street where the taqueria and pizza place are located and park the car.

I go into the pizza place and order The Boy his slice (single slice of pepperoni) plus, since I really like their salads and their bleu cheese dressing, I get one of those, but I can't just get a small salad, what if my family wants some of the salad, too. I have to buy a large because I'm not going to share a small salad. There's $15, (tax and tip included) out of my pocket. This place is super yummy, but a bit pokey. I have to order the pizza first to maximize my time.

While they are making my pizza and salad I walk over to the taqueria and order my burritos. I get The Fam's usual (Chile Relleno Burrito for me, Super Carnitas for Hubby and Bean/Cheese/Rice for The Girl). $18 out of my pocket, again, including tax and tip.

While my burritos are being made I go into the little market that separates the pizza store and the burrito store. This little market is a little pricey, but great. I'm not complaining about the prices, really. It's a little independent market that has a great produce department (they always seem to have a really great and diverse selection of apples), interesting candy, great sodas with interesting flavors, and really good ice cream. Their beer selection is a little lacking, but there's a liquor store on the corner so, no worries. I usually hand over a good $20 to this place each time I visit.

I go back and pick up my burritos, then walk over to the pizza place and pick up The Boy's dinner and my salad.

I go home.

All in all, it's about a $40 dinner, about $10 a head. Expensive dinner for just going out and getting burritos, but pretty yummy just the same.

OK, so here's my complaint / observation from last Saturday's adventure.

Being that I'm just about 32 weeks pregnant, and have gained less than 10 pounds total, I gave into a craving and got some ice cream for dessert. I toyed with getting standard Chocolate, and then something fruity like Strawberry, but then something caught my eye. Straus Family Creamery Organic Banana Ice Cream with Brown Sugar and Chocolate Chips. It sounded really interesting and really yummy.  The flavor brought me back to when I was a kid and we'd be at summer camp and make these things called "banana boats" where we'd carve out a canoe in a banana and stuff the canoe with chocolate chips and marshmallows, wrap the whole thing up with foil and throw under the camp fire's dying coals while we ate dinner. After dinner we would dig out our bananas and eat them while they were still too hot to eat, we'd all burn our mouths, but they were super yummy and we'd be mad we couldn't have more than just one.

My intention was to put The Boy to bed, then crawl under a blanket with The Girl, two spoons and a pint of ice-cream and watch "Say Yes to the Dress" or something like that.

What could go wrong?

As it turned out, nothing really went wrong, but it didn't really go right.

I liked the ice cream better than The Girl did, but I didn't go crazy for it. It definately didn't bring me back to my "banana boat" days. I could see where they were going, but they weren't quite there yet. The bananas tasted like Banana Flavor and not enough like Bananas, much like Laffy Taffy flavor, the Brown Sugar wasn't subtle enough and the Chocolate Chips tasted a bit waxy (although I find that most chocolate chips in any kind of ice cream, in any brand has this texture / flavor - it's a problem that plagues every creamery, not just Straus).

This ice cream was definately a winner in the making, but not quite blue ribbon yet (or Gold Medal yet - we are in the middle of the 2012 olympics, afterall).

I suggest they take it off the market, do a little bit more R/D and bring it out again later. Maybe lighten up on the Brown Sugar, add more bananas (and banana chunks?) and remove the chocolate chips in favor of adding a chocolate ribbon. Ribbons seem to be better crowd pleasers than chips.

In the meantime, I like the Straus brand and trust it to make yummy things. If I see another flavor that strikes my fancy, I will most certainly buy it without hesitation.

On Overlooking the "h" - An Open Letter to Noosa Yoghurt

There's a little market across the street from my office. I don't go there very often because it's super expensive. I usually only go there when my boss sends me out to go get him lunch. I hardly ever go there when I have to do the paying. At first, I didn't go there on my own because the manager was always standing around and he had a perfect manicure and he seemed to be channeling his inner Gavin Newsom because his hair was always perfect, just like The Gav's always is, but his employees were always rushing about working super hard. The manager seemed like he didn't want to be there, like his father in law gave him the job to keep him busy and the workers didn't seem very happy. Then I got over it when I discovered the BLAST sandwich (bacon, lettuce, avocado, swiss cheese and tomato, people!). I'm sure I just made up everything about the former manager of that store. I didn't know him personally. I'm only guessing based on observation that he didn't work. Maybe he was just really great at keeping clean. I wasn't making up the part about his hair, though. I think he really did like to model his hair on the former SF Mayor turned Lieutenant Governor of California. Call The Gav what you want, he does take care of his personal hygene.

Anyhow, even with the BLAST sandwich, the store is pretty expensive. I'm guessing it's because it is the only market around. I could walk to Safeway but that's about 1/2 a mile away from my office. Not a far walk, but not conducive to grabbing a quick bite.

So anyways, not wanting to eat at the cafeteria in my office complex and because there wasn't enough food to pirate from the meeting that was going on in the office today, I walked over to the little market for some lunch.
I should note, that even though the store is needlessly expensive, the quality of the products are really yummy. They have a fairly comprehensive selection of specialty items and are always getting in new things. And, because it's worth mentioning again, they sell a BLAST.


Today I noticed a new yogurt. Noosa Yoghurt. While the "h" in the word "Yoghurt" bugs me just as much as the backwards "R" in Toys "R" Us, I decided to give it a try.
Two things stopped me at first from doing so (three if you count the "h"). First, this market only carried fruity varieties of the yogurt. I love yogurt, but I'm a plain yogurt kind of girl. I like my plain yogurt. Most of the time fruity yogurts are too sweet and it's like eating candy. Second was the price. This little market was charging $3.49 for the yogurt (maybe it was $3.99, I forget. My point is that the 8oz tub of yogurt was over $3).
Two things made me pick up the yogurt and buy it anyways. First, the flavor. One of the flavors was Strawberry Rhubarb. I like Rhubarb, but hadn't had any in a while. It sounded good. I used to work at a bakery and I had to make Strawberry Rhubarb Crisp every single day. I never got sick of it. It was so delicious. Second, and what really got me to purchase the yogurt was that the little market had an introductory price of $1.99. Sold. $1.99 is a totally reasonable price for yogurt in the FiDi in San Francisco.

So here's what I liked.
1. The packaging. I liked that the container has a lid and not just a foil top. I understand why some yogurt makers did away with the top (less plastic) but without the top, the yogurt container is renered useless. This one has a top. I'm able to use the container again and again. Also, it's packaged in a flat 8oz container, not the standard yogurt cup that stands 3.5 inches high.
2. While I stated a few lines above that I'm a plain girl. I like my plain yogurt and will choose that over flavored 87% of the time, I did like the Strawberry Rhubarb flavor. It wasn't to sweet. I like the tangyness of yogurt and am always disappointed when that flavor is masked with sugar.

What I didn't like
1. The "h" in the word "yoghurt"
2. The price of the yogurt at this little market. Over $3 is too much for 8oz of yogurt. Even the Old Chatham isn't over $3, and Old Chatham plain yogurt is so yummy, and there's no "h."

Overall impression
1. I would definately eat this again, but once the introductory price goes away at this little market, I'll only get it if someone else is paying.
2. I wish they had plain. Plain might get me to pay full price.

Conclusion
Good enough yogurt for me to overlook the "h."

Why, Greg Wasson, Why?

Dear Greg Wasson,


I hate the new floor plan of my local Walgreens. It's stupid and annoying and doesn't encourage me to give in to my impulses and buy things I don't need. What it does is it piss me off. Rather than walking the block to my local Walgreens, I'd rather get in my car and go to Lucky. Because of your new floor plan I leave Walgreens grumpy and with only 1/2 the things on my list because I can't freaking find anything and I still have to go to Lucky anyway.
What's the matter with you?

That is all,
andrea

P.S. I am not a crackpot.



Background.
I got a text on my way home last night from Hubby. It simply said "Lemons, Tomatoes, Pull-ups, Beer." With those 4 little words, Hubby was very sweetly asking me to stop at the produce market, liquor store and Walgreens on my way home from work.

OK, sure, I could get all those items at Walgreens, but I would rather support authentically local businesses when I can, and not a national chain when possible. Besides, just as I can't bring myself to buy perishable items at Target, I extra can't bring myself to do it at Walgreens.

Anyhow, I went into my local produce market and bought some lemons and tomatoes, but skipped the liquor store because I had a bottle of wine in my purse. (See, I can buy wine cheap from my company's employee website and have it delivered to my office, but because I take Muni to and from work I can't carry it all home at one time. I usually end up bringing a few bottles home a night in my purse.) So then I went to Walgreens. I've written before about how much I hate the way they've remodeled the store. Everything is organized so strangely it's hard to find anything. There's no logical flow. One would think that the hair accessories (bobby pins, hair bands, etc.) wouldn't be too far away from the shampoos and conditioners. One could reasonably assume that the diapers would be pretty close to the baby food. How come in my local Walgreens the greeting cards are three aisles away from the wrapping paper and the nail polish is next to the children's crappy toys, and the dish soap is kept near the potato chips?
I walked around the store 3 times looking for the pull-ups. There was an employee setting up the seasonal aisle with halloween stuff. I asked her why the store was arranged so stupidly. She asked me what I was looking for. I said pull-ups. She pointed to the adult diapers and said "for you?" No they're not for me. OK, I've given birth to 2 kids. I'm not alone in saying I've peed a little bit after sneezing, but really? I told her no, that I needed it for a toddler, and she said "oh, aisle 3, by the hair dye." By the hair dye? Why not keep pull-ups with the rest of the baby gear? I hate going to Walgreens now. Thank the Maker I can send my oldest kid to go there for me. She has more patience that I do.

I Have a Great Idea: An Open Letter to "Orthodox Chews"

Dear Orthodox Chews,
I've always wanted to try your product and today I got the chance to. Yay!
See, the market by my office that sells your delicious taffy sells it for $7.99 for a one pound bag. Ouchie-wouchie, that's a lot of money. I don't have that kind of money to spend on candy.
Today I had to go out to the market and buy some snackies for some folks that are flying in today for a meeting. Most of them will have been in the air since "dark o'clock" and could probably use some sugar or salt upon their arrival. I went to the market not really knowing what to buy. I figured some cookies and some pop chips, along with some red bull and fizzy water would probably do the trick. As I was standing in line with my goodies I noticed your product displayed at an endcap.

I grabbed a bag and smiled. Here's my chance, I thought, to try Orthodox Chews.

I'll get a bag for my group coming in today. Bingo! I tried a red and white swirly one. I liked it a lot. I grabbed a purple one. Not my favorite, but then again, purple isn't my favorite flavor. I tried a few others. They were yummy. I liked how they were a litte hard at first and had to be sucked on a bit to get soft.

So here's my idea. Bear with me as I will get to it.
About 4 years ago my boss and a few other senior people from the office went to New Zealand and Australia for a few weeks to tour some of my company's properties. It was a big trip with a lot of people helping to make the trip a success. I was in charge of creating some kind of thank-you gift that of course thanked them for their hospitality, but also relfected the industry in which we work (wine) and our local culture (we're in San Francisco). I found Jelly Bean Wine Bar on the web. I found "recipes" for specific varietals and styles of wine using jelly bellies. I ordered gumball machines and jelly bellies from Jelly Belly Factory and filled each gumball machine with the correct recipe for a few different styles of wine (Australian Shiraz, New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc), then created a cute litle card and sent the thank you gifts off to our hosts. It was really well received.

OK, so now here's my idea.
You should use Orthodox Chews to do the same thing with Manischewitz. That might be a fun project.

Yummy taffy,
Andrea

I Love You : An Open Letter to Brian Wilson

Dear Brian Wilson,

I love you. Not in a romantic sort of way. You're an OK guy and all but you're not my husband. You're not even Cody Ross, who I'm super crushing on. My son is too. Whenever my Cody is at bat I say "oh, there's my boyfriend," and then my 3 year old son says "he's my boyfriend, too," but not my 12 year old daughter. She crushes on Pablo Sandoval, but not really because she complains every time there's a game on.

So why do I love you? Because of this...

I love that you wear your spandex tuxedo to the ESPY Awards with such confidence and style. While I can't figure out if you are White Face or Red Nose I love the journey in trying to solving that puzzle.

Have a good night.
Andrea

Dear Greg Anderson

Dear Greg Anderson,
Your stupid facial hair makes you look like a tool.


pic stolen from NY Daily News



From,

andrea

An Open Letter to Silk Soy Milk

Dear Silk,

I like soy milk. Soy milk tasted good on cereal. Soy milk makes good hot chocolate.
I also like milk. Milk tastes good on cereal. Milk makes good hot chocolate.

Your newest ad campaign where you drive off into the middle of the country and try to convince people that soy milk is better than milk kind of pisses me off. Instead of trying to change the minds of people who rely on milk production to put food on their tables and keep their houses warm, why not just introduce them to another yummy beverage that they might also like?

Sure, you can use soy milk in place of a lot things you would normally use milk but I don't see why I have to make the choice. Why does one beverage have to replace the other? Can't I have both?

Thanks,
Andrea

P.S. I am not a crackpot.

An Open Letter to Starbucks

Dear Starbucks,
Overall I think you have a good product. A grande brewed coffee in the morning sets a nice tone for the day. I hate the language you've created. For the longest time I would refuse to ask for a grande coffee in favor of asking for what it should be called, which is just a medium coffee, but then I realized I was confusing the cashier and holding up the line so I decided that at 7am my need for coffee was greater than my pride and I should just give in and speak your stupid language. I'm will be eternally pissed at you for wrecking the macchiato which is simply a shot of espresso marked with a little bit of foam. If I had a free macchiato for every time one of your employees responded with "what size" every time I asked for a double macchiato, I'd be awake and shaking with caffeine jitters for months on end. All that being said, however, I know that pretty much whatever I order will be the same no matter what Starbucks I'm in.
OK so I'm puzzled about something. Most mornings I would rather have salt for breakfast instead of sugar. I skip your 390 calorie slice of lemon loaf in favor of your Fruit, Nut and Cheese Artisan Snack Plate. I like it. I can nibble on it throughout the morning. I get a nice little salty fix, with just a dash of sweet from the dried cranberries, and it fills me up. I'm not too keen on the apples in the plate, however. Often times the seed casing of the apple is left on the slice and I have to pick it off and then I get apples under my fingernails, and then, because I'm at work and don't have any nail clippers, I have to dig it out with a paperclip I've modified for such a purpose. I suppose you should feel flattered that I buy one of your products so frequently that I've created the need to fashion a tool to deal with the problems that sometimes arise with various foods I like to eat of yours.
Recently I started the PX90 exercise program. The dietary requirements of this program are really high in protein. I thought I should try the Protein Artisan Snack Plate instead. I was a bit troubled. The Protein Plate has a hard boiled egg in it. I don't eat a lot of hard boiled eggs and the thought of eating them from Starbucks weirds me out almost as much as buying perishable groceries from Target. I can't quite make myself buy eggs from Starbucks.
I decided to compare the labels of the Protein Plate with the Fruit, Nut and Cheese Plate. You know what I found out? The Protein Plate has 13 grams of protein while the Fruit, Nut and Cheese Plate has 19 grams of protein. I'm no math wizard but I can subtract. There's a 6 gram difference between the two in favor of the yummier plate. Now I'll take the high road and say that 13 grams of protein is a pretty good amount of protein but why dis the Fruit, Nut and Cheese Platter? It has more protein. Why not promote that?
Like I said, over all you got a good product. I don't like the stupid language you've taught the public, and if I have to start using it at Peet's when you buy it, I'm gonna be super pissed, but over all your coffee is pretty good, and the things of yours I don't like have to do with my own personal preferences, not because of the quality of the things you sell. My point is, you should take more care in not giving things stupid names.
Thanks,
Andrea


P.S. I am not a crackpot.